笑話神經病

神經病笑話集 ----纯粹博君一笑无他

1

在一個神經病醫院，忽然有一天天空突然下起了大雨，所有的神經病都拿著臉盆，肥皂，毛巾，沖下樓洗澡，只有一個神經病沒下去，在陽臺上看著

醫生暗自竊喜，便上前問道" 你為什麼不下去和他們一起洗呢？ " ，神經病說："我等水熱了再洗 ~~~！"

2
神經病醫院裏面有位醫生想要知道各位病人病情康復得如何，就拿隻筆，在牆上畫了一扇門，對所有的病人說： " 你們誰能夠開啟這扇門，我就放誰出去 "

這時，所有的神經病蜂擁而上，只有一個神經病沒有上前開門，醫生暗自竊喜，心想自己的醫治終於有點成效啦，醫生就上前詢問道： " 你為什麼不上去開門呢？ "

神經病瞄了一眼醫生說道： "噓 ~~~~我有鑰匙 ~~！ "

3
一個神經病躺在床上唱歌，唱著唱著突然翻了個身，繼續唱歌，醫生很納悶，就問他說： " 你為什麼翻過來？？

"神經病回答："你傻啦？A面唱完要翻B面啦？？"

4
一架飛機飛過一個精神病醫院，突見駕駛員笑個不停。空中小姐很好奇的問： " 你為何笑得那?開心啊？"

只見他說："他們知道我逃出來，一定會氣瘋的．．哈哈哈

5
小明在精神病院實習。一日他陪的人手持菜刀無端端的追著他，小明嚇得轉身就逃，一直走到一條死胡同，他想：這次死定．．．．．

就在這個時候，那個病人突然開口說： "菜刀給你，換你追我！ "

6
男精神病患者：我有話要告訴你。
女精神病患者：什麼事兒呀？
男精神病患者：（小聲耳語）你一定要保守秘密，我是菩薩的兒子。
女精神病患者：ＭＤ！我什麼時候生過你這個兒子！

7
哥哥：醫生，我弟弟一直幻想著他是一隻母雞！怎麼辦啊？
醫生：我看看。嗯，他看起來很嚴重！為什麼現在才帶他來呢？
哥哥：我們家的人都在等他下蛋啊

8
在一個公園裏有一個長椅上坐著兩個人。其中一個在安靜的看報紙；另一個在空中不停的做釣魚動作。
一會就招來了很多人圍觀，這時跑來一個員警，對看報的人說： " 這是你的家屬嗎？"
看報紙的人說： "是，是"
員警說："如果他神經不正常，請馬上帶他回家好嗎？ "
看報紙的人連連道歉道： "好的，對不起，對不起！ "
然後急忙做划船的動作．．．．．．

10
有一個記者採訪一個精神病院的院長問： " 你們用什麼方法確定患者是否完全康復呢？ "

院長說：" 我們給他一個測試，我們在一個浴缸盛滿水，旁邊放一個湯勺和一個大碗
讓他們把缸裏的水舀出去。
記者不以為然說： "那當然是用大碗了！"
院長看了他一眼，慢慢的說： "正常的人是拔掉塞子的．．．．．．"

Oops... It's dirty jOkE.. hehe

12 Dirty Jokes

1) Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know?"
Girl replied "Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."

(2) Bangladesh Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later Bangladesh Worker: "Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."

oh my god.... the Bangladesh pounded his wife in his house on his bed........

(3) After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Thai Girl replied: "No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."

@@........he fuck with him or/her or ....

(4) Women's lives are hard. Morning wash clothes. Noon hang clothes.
Evening keep clothes. Nite iron clothes.
Midnight take off clothes. After midnight find clothes.

Serious ?? What abt girl like to buy clothes ??

(5) To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it.
To make it stiff she licks it. To let it in she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.

Yes ! It's true.... you got me.... hehehe

(6) Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?" All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?" All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?" All nuns rose.

hahaha........ Dirty priest

(7) A Sad story. A woman's husband died & she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said
"Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."

Blowjob ?! is it hygience anyway ?

(8) Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl you will get one."
Girl: "But mom what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many!"

It's true ! Nasty gals get many....

(9) A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties."

(10) Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

Haha.......

(11) Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

Zzzz....... Double deck going in

(12) Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS.

This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought